Today I am pregnant- and I am doing my best to cherish it.
My hcg levels are not doubling, and we have an ultrasound tomorrow to determine what's going on.
My sister in law reminded me last week, that I need to let my worrying go, and because all that this baby needs to feel is love. I have tried so hard to do that, and have done a pretty good job of leaving my worries behind the past few days.
My levels have been:
13dpt: 394 ( yay! That's a great increase)
21dpt: 1300 ( over Christmas break)
I have done my best to accept that we may find out tomorrow that the baby isn't viable- while still staying optimistic.
To my baby:
I want you to know that they are so very loved. When I first had a positive pregnancy test, the feeling was unbelieveable. My struggles were finally over, and I would finally hold you August 2016. I was imagining if it you are going to be a boy or a girl.
Over Christmas break, I started to have fear. Fear that you would be taken away from me. I am already a mom, and will always be from December 14 on. I think that it's a mother's instinct to know that everything isn't right, even before it's official. I just started to have a feeling in my gut that maybe I wasn't in the clear.
Baby, I am still hopeful that one day you'll be in my arms. If you aren't the baby that will one day be in my arms, please watch over me and help me to bring your brother or sister into this world. I will never forget you, and the joy that you brought me for a few short weeks. You gave me hope, after months of patience and struggles.